Written by Marijn Overvest | Reviewed by Sjoed Goedhart | Fact Checked by Ruud Emonds | Our editorial policy

9 Steps to Effective Questioning and Listening

When it’s time to stay quiet and listen, you’ll need to fix your ears and understand what the other party is saying so you can catch information when needed. Every conversation in a negotiation is an opportunity—to understand the supplier’s position, uncover leverage points, and build a deal that benefits both parties.

Having handled numerous supplier contracts, I’ve learned that how you listen and ask questions can make or break a negotiation. There are about 9 key steps on how to effectively listen and ask the right questions:

1. Listen through Body Movement

One can tell that you are interested in listening to what someone else has to say through body language. Sit quietly with your body facing the other party while doing so comfortably. Nod when asking questions that reaffirm or mirror what the other party said. Sit straight and look the other person in the eye. Do not ever slouch when the other party is trying to communicate with you.

In my negotiation, I made sure my body language reinforced my attentiveness and engagement. Here’s how:

• I kept my posture straight and open, signaling that I was engaged.
• As the supplier discussed their lead times, I nodded at key moments to show I was following along.
• When they explained their production constraints, I leaned slightly forward to indicate genuine interest.
• I avoided crossing my arms, keeping my hands resting on the table to appear approachable and open.

2. Ask Short Questions

Short questions reveal short answers. And shorter answers help you ask more questions. While negotiations do take time, not beating around the bush also helps. With shorter questions, you can formulate more questions during the entire negotiation.

I kept my questions precise and to the point, allowing me to gather more information efficiently. For example:

• Instead of asking, “Can you explain all the different ways your pricing structure works?” I simply said, “How do you structure bulk pricing?”
• Rather than a long-winded question about penalties, I asked, “Is there flexibility in your late delivery penalties?”
• When discussing logistics, I asked, “What’s your average lead time?” instead of overcomplicating the question.
• I kept my questions precise so the supplier could answer quickly, allowing me to ask for more follow-ups.
  

3. Ask Relevant Questions

Why ask questions that are not relevant to negotiations? When asking questions, ask those that are very important to the negotiations. Anything else should be ignored, unless you’re trying to break the ice.

I focused only on questions that had a direct impact on our procurement deal. Here are a few examples:

• I asked, “What contingency plans do you have for supply chain disruptions?” since reliability was a major concern.
• Instead of small talk, I inquired, “Can you provide references from clients with similar procurement needs?”
• When discussing order flexibility, I asked, “How do you handle priority shipments in case of urgent demand?”
• Every question I asked was tied directly to contract terms, pricing, or service levels.

4. Listen through Reaffirming the Statement / Question

Another sign that shows you were listening is through reaffirming what the other party just said. This is also called mirroring. You can use this when asking a question that needs clarification.

To ensure clarity and show active listening, I restated key points during the discussion. Here’s how I applied this technique:

• The supplier said, “We guarantee a 98% on-time delivery rate.” I responded, “So, just to confirm, you’re committing to a 98% on-time delivery for all our orders?”
• When they explained their quality control process, I asked, “So, if a defect is found, your process ensures replacement within 48 hours?”
• They stated, “Our pricing includes standard logistics.” I clarified, “So this quote covers both product costs and freight expenses?”
• Reaffirming statements helped ensure clarity while reinforcing that I was actively listening.

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions

During negotiations, open-ended questions can be used for you to fish out more information. Doing so also helps in gauging the other party. For example, you can ask an open-ended question to gauge the mood of each member of the opposing party. Through this, you’ve already gained a lot of information. By asking open-ended questions, I encouraged the supplier to share valuable insights. For instance:

• “How does your company handle sudden price fluctuations in raw materials?” gave me insight into their pricing flexibility.
• “What challenges have you faced with similar clients, and how did you resolve them?” helped uncover potential red flags.
• “Can you walk me through your order fulfillment process from order placement to final delivery?” provided a deeper understanding of their logistics.
• “How do you differentiate your service from competitors?” allowed them to highlight their unique strengths.

6. Listen without distractions

Don’t talk with your teammate while someone from the other party is speaking. Not only is it considered rude and unprofessional, but you might miss important information by not listening intently. Also, find a place where there are no distractions. A family restaurant is simply not the environment you need for an important negotiation!

I ensured full focus during the negotiation by eliminating distractions. Here’s how:

• My phone vibrated with an urgent email, but I ignored it, staying focused on the supplier’s presentation.
• When my colleague whispered something to me, I subtly signaled for them to wait until the supplier finished speaking.
• I avoided multitasking, ensuring I fully understood their explanation before taking notes.
• We held the meeting in a private conference room to eliminate distractions and maintain focus.

7. Listen in Complete Silence

The only way to listen properly is to be quiet. Silence is your friend when someone else is speaking to you or to everyone. Everyone has their turn to talk, so do be quiet, listen in for anything interesting, and allow the other party or another member of your team to finish what they’re talking about.

I practiced patience and silence to fully absorb the supplier’s responses. Here’s what I did:

• When the supplier explained their pricing structure, I let them finish completely before responding.
• I paused for a few seconds after they spoke, allowing them to elaborate further.
• As they detailed their challenges with raw materials, I remained silent, actively absorbing the information.
• Instead of rushing into a counteroffer, I listened patiently, ensuring I fully understood their terms first.

8. Ask as a habit

Effective communication skills always begin through habit. So, make it a habit to always ask questions before, during, and especially after negotiations. Information is key. Asking questions gives you more information. That makes sense, right?

I maintained a habit of asking questions at every stage of the negotiation. For example:

• Before the meeting, I asked my internal team, “What are our non-negotiables in this contract?”
• During the discussion, I asked, “What would an ideal long-term partnership look like from your perspective?”
• After hearing their delivery terms, I followed up with, “Can you clarify how you handle penalties for late shipments?”
• After the meeting, I debriefed with my team, “What were the strongest points of their offer, and where do we need to push for better terms?”
  

9. Ask questions without interrupting

When someone is asking questions, please don’t interrupt. Let them ask the question directly and they’ll also do the same when it’s your team’s turn to ask questions.

By allowing the supplier to speak uninterrupted, I kept the conversation structured and professional. Here’s what I did:

• I waited for the supplier’s financial officer to finish before responding to their pricing model.
• I let another buyer complete their question before adding my own.
• I refrained from interrupting the supplier’s legal advisor mid-sentence, waiting to ask, “Can we revisit the section on liability?”
• When my colleague was about to interrupt the supplier’s explanation, I subtly gestured for them to wait, ensuring we listened fully before responding.

Mistakes to AvoidWhen Asking Questions in Negotiations

You might be wondering how to ask good questions in negotiations. Well, it’s essential to think carefully about your questions instead of just asking the first thing that comes to mind.

Here are some mistakes to avoid when you’re asking questions in negotiations:

1. Repeating what’s already been answered

It can be frustrating for both parties if you ask a question that’s already been answered. Stay engaged in the conversation, particularly when you’re uncertain about a topic, to ensure your questions add value instead of causing irritation.

2. Going off-topic

In negotiation settings, it’s crucial to stay focused on the matter at hand. Avoid introducing unrelated issues that can divert attention from the main discussion. Instead, jot down these concerns and address them at a more appropriate time.

3. Opinions disguised as questions

Sometimes, we inadvertently insert our opinions into questions. For example, asking, “Don’t you think we should…” is more of a statement than a genuine question. It’s vital to be direct and ask real questions to obtain meaningful answers.

4. Asking ambiguous questions

To get clear and relevant responses, it’s essential to ask well-structured and unambiguous questions. Avoid bombarding the other party with a multitude of inquiries at once, as this can overwhelm everyone involved.

5. Talking to the wrong person

You must ensure that you’re directing your questions to the right person in the negotiation. Avoid approaching the most convenient individual and instead identify who possesses the most relevant information or authority to address your specific questions in the negotiation.

Why You Should Stay Quiet And Listen As a Negotiator

Silence is an effective tactic when you’re negotiating. People tend to talk a lot when they’re nervous, and you might have done this before in one of your negotiations. But when you talk too much, you miss important variables in the negotiation.

So during negotiations, it’s best to be patient and let the other person do most of the talking. When you speak, try to ask open-ended questions like, “What worries you about my proposal?” This helps you figure out what the other side wants.

Additionally, research shows that it’s hard for people to really listen in negotiations. When the other person talks, we often focus on what we’re going to say next instead of actually listening. Sometimes we think a clever response right after they speak is a good move, but it actually shows we weren’t listening at all.

Taking a moment of silence in a negotiation before you reply can help you stop thinking about your own response and listen better. It also lets you use active listening skills like repeating what they said, asking questions, and showing that you understand.

Active listening doesn’t come naturally in negotiations; we usually want to push our own ideas. But when you truly listen, and the other person feels heard, active listening becomes easier. Silence gives you the time you need to be a better listener.

Silence can also be a strong way to deal with unreasonable demands in a negotiation. When the other person asks for something outrageous, just staying quiet can be more effective than arguing. It makes them wonder if you hung up, especially in phone negotiations, and that can make them rethink their offer.

How to ask effective questions?

An effective question is one that allows you to get the information that you need while also encouraging meaningful conversation that can strengthen your relationship with the other party.

You might wonder, “How can I ask good questions when negotiating?” Well, the best way for you to get better at asking questions is to practice asking them more.

But, here’s something important to remember: think about what kind of questions you’re asking, how you say them, the order you ask them, and how you set them up.

Using open-ended questions is a smart way for you to ask questions effectively. These are questions that need more than just a yes or no answer. They’re really good when you want to find out a lot of information. There are a couple of important reasons why they work well.

First, they don’t put people on the spot with questions that have quick answers. So, they can help keep things calm.

Second, they make people want to say more. An open-ended question naturally makes people explain and give details instead of just saying one word.

Closed-ended questions are okay to use in some situations. There are moments in a conversation when you want a short and clear answer.

But usually, when you’re negotiating, using open-ended questions is the way to go. Especially at the start when both sides are trying to figure out what each other wants.

Here’s another tip: you can make your questions sound less like an interrogation by giving some background first.

Instead of saying, “Do you think this deadline is too tight?” you can say, “Usually, big projects like this need at least three months. Can you tell me how you plan to do it in two months?” This can make the other person feel more comfortable and willing to talk.

Procurement Expert’s Insights About Questioning and Listening Skills

For this article, we asked an experienced procurement expert to share her insights to help procurement professionals with questioning and listening skills.

Conclusion

Effective questioning is a fundamental skill in negotiations, and it’s worth taking the time to refine this skill.

By avoiding common pitfalls such as repeating questions, straying off-topic, disguising opinions as questions, asking ambiguous questions, and addressing the wrong person, you can enhance your ability to navigate negotiations successfully. Also, this will allow you to build a more meaningful relationship with the other party.

Remember that well-crafted questions, presented thoughtfully and at the right time, can lead to valuable insights, have more productive discussions, and ultimately help you achieve your negotiation goals.

So, approach negotiations with a strategic and considerate approach to questioning, as it can make a significant difference in the outcomes you achieve.

And to further help you improve negotiations, I have created a free-to-download negotiation preparation toolkit template. It’s a PowerPoint file that can help you prepare for your next negotiation. I even created a video where I’ll explain how you can use this template.